About four minutes into the infamous Red Table Talk revealed the word ‘entanglement’ to the world. But what exactly is an entanglement? If you haven’t googled it already, well here it is:
A complicated or compromising relationship or situation.
~Oxford English Dictionary
Whenever you have a marriage and a 3rd party is involved, there’s lots of cause for a ‘complicated situation’ to say the least! While everyone has their own ideas on if one party step out on the other, no one truly knows what they will do until they are faced with that situation for themselves.
As a wife, mother and human being, I actually don’t take lightly the situation that occurred between Jada, August & Will (and let’s not forget about their kids and how this whole very public situation may have affected them as well). But that’s a whole other thing…
But this whole situation has reinforced some very important things to note for relationships that can survive anything! And they are:
- open and honest lines of communication
- forgiveness
- known non-negotiables & flexibilities
1. Open & Honest Lines of Communication
Open lines of communication usually can stop an entanglement in its tracks. But in Will & Jada’s case, the relationship with August was known to Will. As they both stated, they were separated and planning on getting a divorce. When you have a long-standing relationship, so much of each person’s life is entangled with the other, physically, emotionally, spirtually and financially. These are all things that should be considered as part of the process of separating and/or divorce.
We live in a world where a lot of people don’t actually place value on knowing the truth. They’re too busy living the fake ‘LIT’ life with their phony friends to see what’s real anymore. If you feel like this might be you, then a good self-reflection session may be in order to start getting to the bottom of it.
I mean, no judgement from me if that’s how you want to live your life. But if you’d like to experience deeper connections beyond the surface level with people or your spouse, then you gotta get beyond this, baby girl.
Communication in Relationships
Good, or better yet, great communication with your spouse leaves you feeling fulfilled and enough in your relationship. Now this doesn’t mean that you agree on everything, it just means that you always feel that you can
- be your authentic self
- express your true feelings
- know that at the end of the day, things will be okay
Personally, it’s so hard for me to NOT say what I’m truly thinking or feeling when it comes to anyone. But this is especially true with my husband. We both are comforted by the fact that we are always our most raw, authentic selves with one another. So, while there may be hurtful things that transpire at times, this just isn’t our day-to-day experience.
Speaking of hurtful, did y’all see Will’s face when Jada said,
I just wanted to feel good again. It had been so long since I felt good!
~Jada, Red Table Talk
Speak Hard, Honest Truths
Imagine speaking such difficult truths literally to the world! It takes a true, unbreakable bond to be able to do that, and still have your relationship in tact! For the sake of helping you be more successful in your relationship, I’ll share what has been working for me and my husband. But I can’t say this part enough, communication is key! Not just communicating the obvious things, but also, communicating about:
- what’s going well
- what’s not going well & possible solutions
- current & future plans/goals
- deep thoughts (positive & negative)
- personal desires
These are just a few of those things that truly get to the core of a person. And focus on the individual, outside of the relationship identity that we all have. It’s VERY important and healthy to be able to be your own person (have likes/dislikes, experiences, etc.) outside of your relationship. And discussing these things will honor that necessity.
2. Forgiveness
One of my favorite Maya Angelou quotes sums up forgiveness in a great way,
You can’t forgive without loving. And I don’t mean sentimentality. I don’t mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, ‘I forgive. I’m finished with it.
~Maya Angelou
Forgiveness is probably one of the hardest things you’ll ever do in life (particularly is you’re a super stubborn person like me). The idea of ‘forgiving’ people used to feel like I was allowing the other person to ‘win!’ I should make them feel how I felt by being an a**hole to them, right?!?!? ‘Just give them a little taste of their own medicine’ is what I would say to myself.
But the older I got and the more I thought about it, I was giving that person or situation power over my being. Power over my state of mind, my emotions, my attitude…all of that and more.
So, how does this relate to Will & Jada? Just the fact that Will showed up with Jada at the Red Table is a physical testament of his forgiveness of what took place between her and August. And now that I’m thinking about it, it wasn’t probably forgiveness that was needed because they both were ‘doing them’ during their amicable separation. (Will just selected folks who could keep their experiences-whatever they were-private😜!)
Nonetheless, it takes deep understanding and love for two people to approach a very private topic on a public platform. Some might even say, how can Will go forward in his marriage knowing his wife did x, y & Z?!?!? This right here is that part where forgiveness AND that quality communication come in.
Long before Will & Jada came to the red table, they had to process all of what took place (the whens, whys and hows). And then came to terms on what it was for the both of them to decide if and how they would move forward.
3. Known Non-negotiable & Flexibility
This right here is the meat of it all and it encompasses all of what has been mentioned here thus far. Non-negotiables are the things that are a deal breaker for you. There’s no room for grey area here. It is OR it ain’t. It’s as simple as that.
For those non-negotiables, you can’t assume the other person knows what they are. You gotta, again, have those deep, difficult conversations to surface what a person’s true thoughts are. Having clarity on what are your spouse’s AND your own pain points are is critical in the parameters of your relationship together.
Relationship Pain Points
For example, a pain point for a woman might be social media and her man. Some possibilities could be that he:
- doesn’t post enough about her
- barely interacts with her posts
- likes/comments on other women’s posts
- DM’ing/private messaging
So, for some women, all, parts of or maybe none of it is a deal breaker. Hence, why it’s important to know exactly what you’re dealing with. This will ultimately avoid future heartache and angst over something that may or may not be a big deal in the end.
This ties into the flexibilities side as well. While we all may want to portray that we are strong and militant about every single aspect of our relationship, it’s just not possible. Relationships are rooted in emotions. And where there are emotions, there are things you can predict, understand, or sometimes even explain. Emotions are irrational, so it’s important to put words to what your feelings are in any given moment.
Now, of course I’m not fully aware of the non-negotiables and/or flexibilites Will & Jada have in their relationship. But based off of the almost 13-minute conversation that took place on Red Table Talk, it’s clear to me that they have a clear understanding and commitment to one another.
A good number of people will never experience a deep connection with another person like this in their lifetime. A true, lasting bond between two people is a beautiful thing to experience. It is special, so much so that people can sense it when they’re around people/couples who have that.
Say what you want about this whole messy Jada, Will & August situation, Will & Jada have decided to remain married. My wish for all of you is that you find someone that loves you like Will loves Jada & Jada loves Will. Because you can’t buy or bottle that kind of love NOWHERE. It’s a love that’s built, nurtured and changing over time.
Me and Mines
I, myself, am speaking from a place of knowing. My relationship and marriage has morphed and grown over time. Today, we celebrate our anniversary of 11 years together and 8 years married. Clear communication, forgiveness, and clear dos & don’ts have worked for us. And I hope it can help you, too.
Let me know in the comments section anything else that is working for you in your relationship to foster that ‘Will & Jada’ kinda love, that not-going-nowhere kinda love, that i-can-have-a-whole-nother-boo-thang-while-we-separated-and-have-that-boo-thing-come-on-my-show-and-still-got-my-marriage kinda love.
Because that’s REAL LOVE!!!
Sit back and reflect on your relationship and listen to one of my favorite songs and just so happens to mention ‘that Jada & that Will love…’ It’s still something GREAT to aspire to have IMHO!
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